He talked about us, he told me “I thought it would be us first!”
I’m actually anxious RIGHT NOW that if and when I marry him, my body will betray and humiliate me. Alone, I don’t mind. With him, I don’t mind. With our friends, I rarely mind. With strangers, I don’t mind.
In front of my family? I will be mortified.
I want a church wedding. I want to walk down that aisle and fight to stay tearless for at least the altar approach. I know I will fail. I know that unless I let myself fall into the grip of heavy duty medication, my knees will buckle, my hands will go numb, and my head will bob with the butterflies that aren’t visible on anyone else.
I wish my body wasn’t LITERALLY an open book. I’ve become so wary of the future.
My plants are growing super great, considering IDFK WHAT IM DOING. They’re really tolerant of me over and under watering them for like DAYS AT A TIME. and they resist the dog pretty well, considering she gets her cable wrapped around them and likes to plunge her face into their dirt.
Also “The Family” is one Netflix and it was SO ADORABLE, if violent. It was a date night movie at the theater for us.
So I feel like today will be a good day, even though I have no particular goals or to-do’s.